it’s surprising on how fast life can be taken away for example by a car accident or even an “accidental” overdose on medical drugs. i find it sad and hard to realize that two people that you have known since like freshman year of high school have died within a few weeks apart. It feels like it was yesterday since i’ve meet them and played football with one of them and hanging out with the other outside of class and talking. I guess thats how life is and that it shows that i should have done more with them and supported them more but its all to late. I know that i have to move on from what has happened in the past but i can not just simply do that since it was people that i used to know and that i had something in common with. I just hope that they have found their happiness.
One of the rarest times that i’ll say this but….. I’m starting to dislike a lot of people not just cuz of what they do its cuz i’m stressing out and mentally breaking little by little and i try to hide it as much as i can but it just seems like it comes out when i’m home.
for all the different types of group of people i have hung out with, I have found the group that truly makes me cheerful and happy on the inside. Yes i might loose friends but that’s ok because you will always meet new people and that I am VERY happy of the group of friends that i have today. Even though i might not have words to say or have entertaining jokes I can’t appreciate how much they do for me and makes me very happy and that i just want to thank them for the things that they helped me with. Even though i am still very scared they make me want to stand up for what i believe in as before i didn’t really care. I can’t explain how much they mean to me and how much i can’t thank them enough for being who they are and being nice to me and even though i might be mean or troll you all the time thats how i show my appreciation and being nice back.
over the years while i get to know more and more people, i find it easier to hate people than like them but to me i like taking the higher road and give them the benefit of the doubt before i dislike them or other means. A lot of people might think that it’s foolish but to me i think its the right thing to do because today we categorize everyone and that even though you might say “i don’t categorize” you are. I’ve made my choices and you can hate me for the choices i make but I am the person i am today because of those choices and out of all those choices that i have made, I have to say that I am one good person.
i hate it when i get my hopes up and looking forward to somethin cuz in the end i somehow get hurt because you end up canceling on me and yet even though i understand that something else important might come up i still have feelings and that you can never take away i feel towards you. Also, if i had 100 dollars for each time someone flaked on me and or canceled on me last minute i would be rich.
i’ve tried being friends with you but you have been ignoring me for who knows what and to me i think that is the most childesh thing that you can do. I would rather have you be straight up to me and tell me what the problem is than ignoring me and say nothing at all and when i don’t talk to you randomly message me that is out of the blue and random that does not make any sense.
i know that i am a good person in heart but my actions and words can be the worst choice of words at the moment to each person. i’m always contradicting myself and finally realizing the type of person i am and the type of people that i truly enjoy hanging out with and the things that i like to do. As i like to say… I am your friend until you give me a reason to dislike you and consider you not my friend anymore. When i try being your friend your the one not accepting it and when you try to talk to me i ignore you and some people don’t realize it until they have lost it and that if you and i have not talked for a very long time that i will still be your friend and be there to help you but don’t expect it out of the blue since i will be surprised mainly cuz we have not talked for a long time. To me i am being the bigger man by doing all this even though i like meeting people and create new friends out of it I still cherish the friends that i made before and will always get the back of the people that i know more than the person that i have met recently. I decide what i think is right because to me that is right and doesn’t matter what other people say because i know what will happen and can’t wait till i get to tell you that i tried and when it comes around to back stab you i can tell you i told you so.
i might say stupid stuff that doesn’t make sense. I might state the obvious and i didn’t mean to make it a obvious statement. I might shut you down but its for the right thing. I might also do things that you might not like but that’s what makes the person i am and that i’m happy about the person i turned out to be and looking forward to see the type of person i turn out to be
i hate feeling depressed and feeling like crap. but when i do feel these two emotions i know i am alive inside. Even though as much as i want my life to end i don’t because i know how important i am to certain people and seeing me gone would bring more sorrow and that i do not want people to feel that. I just wish i knew other emotions besides feeling happy, depressed, and feeling like crap that i wanna die. It just feels like i do not have anyone to talk to besides using this a source of letting out all of my emotions. I wish I could be a better son or friend but the willing for me to do that is not here at the moment.
